Epic Mess Elaborates on NBA News

  • Los Angeles Clipper ex-coach Mike Dunleavy cited a serious case of burn-outsies for why he stepped down, saying, “It’s time for me to give somebody else a shot, you’re burnt out on this,”. I thought the Clippers stopped smoking weed when Lamar Odom bolted to Miami to go blaze out Caron Butler and Dwayne Wade. Dunleavy was so disliked by Clipper fans that his tenure prompted the ever-popular Mike Dunleavy song.
  • The Saturday night game between the Atlanta Hawks and Washington Wizards has been post-poned. This momentous occasion caused a Marti-Gras like celebration in the streets of D.C., prompting a week-long parade that President Barack Obama plans to speak at and grant Caron Butler the key to the city.

President Barack "Barry O" Obama gives a shoutout to Caron Butler of the Washington Wizards for his superb game last night against the Orlando Magic, shouting "That's mah boy!"

  • This comes as no surprise to Butler, who claims to have been extremely popular growing up. Apparently multiple teams and GMs agree, which is the only reason his name keeps popping up in trade rumors these days. As a Laker he was most noted for his keen sense of fashion. Maybe his father was a tailor.
  • While it grows increasingly difficult to pencil Chris Bosh in for another few years as a Toronto Raptor, he recently made a commitment to Team USA. This decision to defend America’s honor was done with relative ease, which has Toronto natives wondering why he has only just now decided to defend the Raptors’ paint. Andrea Bargnani’s defensive mentality has rubbed off on him, which has Italians irate because it all but assures them a loss if Team USA and Team Italy meet in International competition.
  • The Denver Nuggets feel like Staples Center is their home away from home, which has the rest of America wondering whether or not the recent rumors about Pepsi making an offer to buy Staples have any truth to them. Pepsi Center spokesman Carmelo Anthony, when asked if he feared Pepsi taking on Staples in a conglomerate war, had this to say: “I’ll take our chances against anybody,” CEO George Karl feels similarly confident about his company, claiming to have a few aces up his sleeve. Karl commented, “I know what we have to do. I’m not going to totally divulge, but I think we know we can play this type of game and beat them.” Pepsi fans think Staples and its fans have reason to worry, while Staples and their fans know the only company they have to worry about hails from Cleveland. Quicken Loans is a bigger competitor to Staples than is Pepsi, and Staples fans and players realize that. Once again, the city of Denver is busy building a foundation on fool’s golden Nuggets.
  • Grizzlies All-Star forward Zach Randolph is paying for 500 tickets to get fans to come watch Memphis play its final game before the All-Star break. The tickets will be given away on a first-come, first-serve basis, and will reportedly increase the season high in attendance 200% percent.
  • The Dallas Mavericks lost to the dreadfully bad Timbercubs last night, 117-108. All-Star forward Dirk Nowitzki assumed responsibility for the loss after benching himself for showing up late to shoot-around. Due to his Germanic ethnic background, the city of Dallas, acting as a microcosm that represents the League of Nations circa 1919, made him pay the unreasonable reparational sum of £6,600(which translates to $20.00 in America) for his transgressions. They also imposed the archaic War Guilt Clause on him, forcing him to accept responsibility for all 19 of the Mavericks’ losses on the season, and both World Wars. Oh, and he’s also being blamed for Lady Gaga’s popularity, which is a huge mystery among scholarly circles.

3 Responses to “Epic Mess Elaborates on NBA News”

  1. uberVU - social comments Says:

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by anepicmess: @magistral German news https://epicmess.wordpress.com/2010/02/06/epic-messs-elaboration-on-news-taglines/

  2. chappy81 Says:

    Man, I can’t believe that Z-Bo hasn’t blown up yet there. Maybe there truly is nothing to do there, so he is actually focusing on basketball for once! Nice story though!

    Even if your Lakers lose all their games leading up the the break, I think they should just rest Kobe. He needs it, and they’ll need him more come playoff time. Sit him for his own good…

  3. Anthony Burrola Says:

    Agreed on both fronts.

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