Yao Ming Pregnant?

Don't be fooled; they photo-shopped water into the picture, meaning Yao is an inch shorter than that mountain.

Wait, that can’t be right. Yao Ming’s WIFE is pregnant. Yup, you heard it here. Yao’s wife of 3 years, Ye Li, cousin to Chun Li(okay, I made that up), also played the center position for China, only on their women’s national team. For some reason this is both really funny and really disturbing to me. It’s obvious that married people would eventually have kids. That part I get, and it is not disturbing at all. The disturbing thing is the way they’re treating it here. Seriously, check out what they said:

“We hope that Yao Ming and Ye Li will go further and raise more pillars of the next generation of Chinese basketball,”

Oh that China; always thinking about procreation as a means of hegemony. Well, not like I can talk, considering I’m from the second-most Imperialistic nation in the last 10 centuries, the first being England. Still, this statement makes us take a step back to look at what’s going on in a different light. On the one hand, I’m happy for Yao, who I can’t even picture being a father because he’s still so new to American culture. As the girl from Avatar(great movie, by the way) would say, “You’re like a baby.” It’s true. Maybe not as much as a few years ago, but Yao is still not immersed in American culture the way other international athletes are. Part of the problem is his health, which is the exact reason he hasn’t and won’t play a game all season. He can never really get a consistent rhythm going, and that hurts him culturally too.

Throw into that the stress of being a Chinese citizen and mega star and you can see why he’s struggled to integrate completely into a world that he grew up thinking was evil. China is the same country that was being investigated during the 2008 Olympics for training kids so young to compete(among other things). This directly correlates with his inability to stay healthy. Historically, big men are the most fragile in their lower extremities. Yao’s injuries have all been leg-related. His current ailment is his foot. The NBA has a ridiculously long schedule(82 games), and when you combine that with a rigorous post-season that Yao’s team has participated in 5 times, and for kicks, throw in his commitment to the China National team which he plays for every summer, all of a sudden you’re looking at a potential legend being shorted a career due to over-extension. In order to keep his citizenship, he must play for China during the NBA off-season.

Big men in the NBA are like tragic heroes in literature. Their greatest advantage, which is their height, is also their greatest weakness, due to frailty. The old adage reigns true eventually: the bigger they are, the harder they fall. In effect, something problematic has transpired. I am happy for Yao because he will be able to experience something so great in child-rearing. This will be good for him on an individual level. The thing that hurts the most is that this is not just his and Li’s baby, it’s China’s baby as well. It, like 75% of the items you use in every day life, will have a Made In China insignia somewhere on it. Basically, I’m both happy for and disturbed by them.

On a more comedic note, we all know that their kid is going to be huge. Yao is nothing short of 7’5″ and his wife is 6’2″. Don’t be surprised if their kid comes out looking like this guy:

7'5" Yao + 6'2" Ye = Super Saiyan Broly. No joke.

We better hope he doesn’t learn how to activate his Super Saiyan potential until LeBron Jr. comes of age. America’s going to need some kind of super athlete to rival Ming’s kid.

Till next time.


4 Responses to “Yao Ming Pregnant?”

  1. sameeeeezy Says:

    good writeup

  2. Daniel Cool Beans Lee Says:

    I knew a Broly reference would come soon.

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